Today and tomorrow

Two years ago today I found out I was pregnant for the first time. It feels like it could have been a lifetime ago. At that time, my husband and I were still noobs of infertility. We were already a little more than two years in to “trying,” unsuccessfully, but still so hopeful that we were seeking medical intervention and would, no doubt, solve the underlying issues quickly, whatever they might be. We’d just done our second IUI, but as the TWW drew to a close, I wasn’t optimistic that I’d be pregnant. My husband, unbeknownst to me, suspected it had worked because he’d noticed a change in my boobs.

When I saw that stick read pregnant early on a Tuesday morning, I laugh-cried. It was such a happy moment. Later that day I stopped at Target to pick up “What to Expect…” because I was so excited to buy it and need it.

Of course, by later that April things had changed so much.

Last April we were dealing with similar circumstances.

April sucks.

Tomorrow we’re doing our seventh infertility treatment. Another IUI — the thing that has worked — now that my endometritis has cleared. A big part of me hates that this is happening in April. It’s too full of bad juju. The flip side is that maybe this April will turn it all around. Maybe it’s supposed to be April.

Or maybe I just need to stop looking for a sign in every damn thing.


4 thoughts on “Today and tomorrow

  1. rainbowmc says:

    I hear you sister. Last April we made our first RE appointment after four years of trying. The following month I bought the what to expect book series (3 of them). Here I am, close to one year mark of fertility treatment and still haven’t got a single pregnancy test. I hope this is the April that turns around for you.


  2. The EcoFeminist says:

    Our third cycle of IVF failed in April as well and I admit I was thinking the same thing as we prepare for our sixth and final attempt next week. The world gives us so many silly reasons for why we are or are not getting pregnant that it’s no wonder we start to find symbols and metaphors in everything we do in the fertility treatment process.

    Liked by 1 person

    • wannabemamab says:

      Absolutely. And it’s often much easier to “blame” the day of the week of the weather for a failed attempt when there’s no medical reason for it.

      Thinking positive thoughts and wishing you strength for your last attempt!

      Liked by 1 person

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